Ramblings from a Madison Hospital Bed

Here I sit in yet another hospital room for yet another week of this year...this year that has had the most difficult, hard, up and down decisions/times of my whole life.  (Not just health related but that has been a lot of it, hands down.)  My God has proven Himself more faithful than ever before in my life but at the same time He's stretching me so much that I just want to scream some days.  This week has been one of those weeks...

Tuesday was a normal day...work, time with youngest siblings (water fight anyone?!), and grilling burgers and hotdogs for dinner.  The pain started around 4:00 that afternoon and while it really took me by surprise (I'd been having a pretty good few weeks, aside from a nasty respiratory virus I couldn't kick), I didn't think too much of it.  What surprised me even more though, was that no matter what I did, it kept getting worse (and worse, and worse, and worse, and worse, and worse).  I slept for a couple hours between 2:00 and 4:00am after moaning, sobbing, shaking, and writhing in pain and enduring the most horrific vomiting I've ever experienced.  When I woke up around 4:00 after the couple hours of sleep, the pain was back in full force and after a half hour I knew I could not keep going.  So to the ER it was.  

I spent five hours in Waupun ER, while four different doctors decided what to do with me (ER doctor, my family doctor in Waupun, and GI doctors in Madison).  Can I just say that I won't complain about hospital room beds anymore after experiencing five hours on an ER bed?! Holy crap.  I couldn't even feel my tailbone.  But that was obviously one of the least of my concerns and I'll stop rabbit trailing. The x-rays at ER showed a partial blockage in my small intestine.  Not any small concern.  So I was transferred to the hospital here in Madison to work with the GI specialists down here.

So far I've had a Remicade infusion (that was two weeks overdue because of my respiratory virus, which made it too dangerous to have one), clear liquids only (until this afternoon when the dr. switched it to full liquids), IV steroids, narcotic pain meds, anti-nausea meds, Benadryl for my reaction to something (we're not sure what), and just waiting for signs that the blockage is decreasing.  I'll probably be having an MRI of my abdomen on Monday.  Praying so much that that goes smoothly...the last time I had a test that involved drinking contrast it got stuck in my system.  They assure us that this contrast will not turn into cement and I'm praying they're right.  It's a test I've refused for the past few months but it has now become absolutely necessary that they get a better look at what's really going on in there.

As my Emmy says, "Just keep sipping! Just keep sipping! Just keep sipping, sipping, sipping."

(Name that movie)

Thursday was incredibly rough.  I was getting pain meds every hour and even that was making it all barely tolerable.  I was also incredibly sleepy the whole day and was constantly drifting in and out of consciousness.  The doctors were quite baffled.  Thankfully yesterday and today have shown some improvement.  Praying I can go home on Monday or Tuesday but we're just playing the "hurry up and wait" game at the moment.

Right now I'm sitting here blogging to myself and watching You've Got Mail on TV with my sister.  A fresh bag of fluids is hanging from my IV, I have an ice pack to use on my burning skin, water and apple juice to sip on, and my amazing sis just started giving me a foot massage with beautifully scented lotion from my friend Megan in Michigan.  I'm told a beautiful bouquet of flowers is coming from my friend Emily Baber and I'm very excited for the cheer that will bring to this room.  My view from my bed is gorgeous...lake, trees, boats, sky.  God is here.  Amidst the pain and confusion, He is here.

During this rough time, as I question God and what He's doing, I can't help but wonder if He's reminding me that all He wants is ME.  He doesn't want my best services that I could give as a healthy person.  He doesn't want me out doing, doing, and doing.  He wants me.  And apparently I'm slow enough to get that that He has to knock me flat in hospitals for a week at a time.  Okay, I'm sure He has other reasons but it sure feels like a kick in the butt this time.

Yesterday was my best day so far in the hospital so Mom asked if she could snap a picture...

(She knew better than to ask when I looked like a sick, half-dead freak.) 

My amazingly amazing friend Lydia visited me yesterday morning and brought all kinds of fun randomness to cheer me up <3 

Lyd knows that my favorite comfort thing during rough time is ice cream. And since I couldn't eat any at the time of her visit, she brought me ice cream gum instead! Love her so much.

Well, I'm thoroughly exhausted but should really try to get up and walk again.  So I'll stop rambling/journaling to myself.  If you've read this, thanks for putting up with my (wordy/disjointed) thoughts.  To those who have been upholding me in prayer, I love and appreciate you so much.