This week has been one of barely holding on. There has been more temptation to give up, to stop trying, to question God, to spend more time in silent swearing and frustration than in silent prayer, to leave my Bible in it's little basket by my bed rather than take it out and read it. A week that has shown me how wearying and positively depressing it is to repeat the same difficult update over and over and over to caring friends. A week that has reminded how very, very human I am.
There have been some good moments too, some definite "God things". One of the hugest was receiving an incredibly generous gift in the mail towards my medical expenses. I was (and still am!) absolutely blown. a. way. The provision of the Lord through His people is astounding. We also found out some very good news regarding insurance and how much they will cover. Thank You, God.
This morning I woke up and read the "Streams in the Desert" for today. It could not have been more perfect for the kind of week I've had. Here are a couple quotes that especially stood out to me.
"When I cannot feel the faith of assurance, I live by the fact of God's faithfulness." (Matthew Henry)
"Trust God's Word and His power more than you trust your own feelings and experiences. Remember, your Rock is Christ, and it is the sea that ebbs and flows with the tides, not Him. (Samuel Rutherford)
This weekend and as I enter a new week tomorrow, my prayer is that God will continue to help me hold onto Him, even as He holds me. That my focus will shift back to Him. And mixed in those prayers, is so much gratitude for His love that is unending, for His grace that helps me pick up and keep moving.