Note: Right after I finished writing the following words, I received a text/call that my cousin barely escaped his house as it burned to the ground a little after 11:00pm (midnight his time). Yet another reason to keep my face down in prayer. If you think of it, please pray for him, his fiancee, and all involved. Thank you.
Face down. My head is so down tonight. The hopes I had for a "quick" recovery from the trauma of last week were apparently too high. My goal of making it back to work by Wednesday isn't going to happen. God continues His work of keeping me at His feet in brokenness. I am discovering that is the best place to be. It is not the easiest place to be. It is not the most "fun" place to be at the moment. It hurts a lot and is full of unknowns.
My biggest prayer through all of this is for God to be glorified. I want my life, including this incredibly painful physical trial, to reflect Him, His love, His joy, His power, His humility, His strength amidst my weakness. I am empty tonight. My heart is heavy. I should be trying to sleep but my heart and mind are too active even while my body aches in weariness.
In response to a friend's sweet note on my Facebook recently, I wrote the following words: "This week has been hell physically but I have seen so much more of God. He has poured out the water of His love to drown the fires of pain and suffering." Tonight in my emptiness, in my frustration, in my pain, in my sorrow, I am reminded of all He has done for me. The only right and healing response is to lower my face at the foot of the cross; to raise my hands and praise Him for what He has done; to pour out my heart to Him and trust Him for what He is going to do.
I truly have nothing else to cling to, as this song so beautifully states. I am in need of the love and help that only He can give. I have no where else to turn, nothing else to cling to. I am too weak and sick to even finish putting sheets on my bed. My baby sister was the hands and feet of Jesus Himself as she finished it for me while I laid on her bed in exhaustion, defeat, and discouragement. Such a gift she is.
In other news, I made it twenty-four hours between pain pills. This is huge. I am so grateful and pray that the pattern continues to the point of being able to go off them completely in the next few days. We'll see what God does and what the doctor says at my appointment on Thursday morning.
I have been recording so many gifts into my gratitude journal over the past few days. It is overwhelming how God's blessings shine through during even the darkest times. His faithfulness is great.
I read the following verses this morning and they blessed me so much. Even when life hurts and doesn't "feel" like love, God continues to POUR it out.
"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:1-5)